Nursing – As Explained To An Invading Alien Overlord

Imagine explaining to an alien invader what a nurse does

My dear new Alien Overload and Master

alien1I see that you have already dispatched some of us who do not meet your requirements and may I say how wise you have been. I also can see no real benefits in allowing Accountants, Used Car Salesman, Real Estate Agents and Health Bureaucrats to exist in your brave new world. For this we salute you our wise new masters.

 

Now before you make a decision on the question of the importance and relevance of nurses and the very important role we play in society, please allow me to explain how we might be of great benefit in creating the new earthly utopia you so clearly desire.

We are trusted by the masses. FOOLS, THEY ARE, ONE AND ALL ! Can you believe that complete strangers, people who I have never meet, allow me the pleasure of sticking a needle into their body and injecting a fluid that they really have no idea what’s in it. How crazy cool is that!

My job as a Registered Nurse permits me to insert steel into people and squeeze all kinds of stuff into them. I can also top up their internal red liquid supply should they run low by connecting them to an external fuel cell.

But that’s just the start of it. I also get to put bits of plastic tubing into openings in their body that traditionally is used to get waste products out of. In this way I can help to prevent people exploding or rotting from the inside out, thus keeping your underlings safe, sound and ready to serve.

And my dear Alien Overlord master we can also be your spokesperson. As nurses, we are used to telling people what to do and giving our opinions on what might be best for them. And guess what … for the most part they believe everything we tell them.

As a trusted earth unit, I will also be you eyes and ears. If you’re looking for a spy, you will find no better than a nurse. The people who worship my craft tell me all kinds of personal details that I carefully write down in their records. Normally, I secure this information as sacred but as you have the power to disintegrate me I would be happy to share all of their intimate facts with you.

If you can’t find the written information I have recorded (or the writing is indecipherable), ask any of my colleagues what you need to know. At the start and end of every work cycle we tell stories and tales about the people we’ve just looked after so that at all times someone knows everybody’s business.

I’m sure that from your observations thus far you’ve come to the conclusion that the human species can be a confusing and complex beast. If you’d like a character assessment of someone (especially a fellow nurse) feel free to ask. All nurses have been genetically modified to always believe that they are right and have all the answers and freely share these thoughts with others.

If you’d like to discuss this further, please press the call bell. I’ll be there anywhere between a few seconds to a few hours depending on how busy I am, if I’m on a tea break, having a nervous breakdown or any number of a thousand other interruptions that fill my day.

But rest assured my most marvellous and benevolent Alien Overlord , I am always your humble servant …

Posted in Health, humor Tagged with: , ,
12 comments on “Nursing – As Explained To An Invading Alien Overlord
  1. Gosh, a whole new perspective on a much underestimated profession! I don’t think I’ll ever look at a nurse the same way again! Great blog, found you on Digital Carnival 🙂

    • Mark says:

      Thanks so much for the feedback. Hope you got a chance to read some of my other nursing articles (some funny, some thought provoking) M

  2. Rach says:

    I am sitting here counting my lucky stars that I am not one of those who come under the careers that you would like wiped off the earth= assuming of course that I am infact human and not a human/ alien prototype sent to distract you xx 🙂

    • Mark says:

      and what a delightful distraction I’m sure you’d be … As for the careers being wiped off the earth, there were a lot of others on the list but the responsible thing wasn’t to scare the politicians, stop/go road worker sign holding nazi’s (Geez, hope your not one of them) M.

  3. LOL! Nurses …my friend is studying to be a nurse and my sister is studying to become a nurse!

    • Mark says:

      MY GOD … Stop them before it’s too late! But if they want the inside scoop on lots of different aspects, get them to go to my site http://www.fullhalfglass.com and look under the health tab for nursing articles. I’ve penned 20 or so nursing posts there – some funny, some serious

  4. ROFL Surely you are not my sister. ROFL I have tears in my eyes. I can just see my sister writing this little pearl. Found your post via a blog hop…laughing to much to remember which one.

    Handmade at Warratahstree

    • Mark says:

      Hi Tracy, Glad it gave you a chuckle or two. If you’d like to read some more funny nursing stories (and some serious ones as well) My site is called http://www.fullhalfglass.com Look under the health tab for nursing articles. I’ve penned 20 or so nursing posts there.

  5. Though this post is quite funny, I think all nurses do an amazing job. A job that is often overlooked in its importance and significance in our society. I’d like to think alien’s would have nurses too x Josefa from #teamIBOT

    • Mark says:

      Hi Josefa, Apparently alien’s don’t have nurses. Go figure! And you are right, nursing is definitely a job overlooked in importance and significance in our society. M.

  6. LOL, not only that, but if you happen to vomit, pee or poop on my shoes I will not even blink, but merely tip my head to the side and say calmly “Don’t worry, it happens all the time”
    xxxx

    • Mark says:

      Hi Lisa, Sage, Wise words … I can hear the experience in your comment. But my personal fav, is when I slip in a sea of the yellow stuff all over the floor after the night shift has forgotten to TURN OFF THE TAP ON THE BAG after the 5:30am round. God Bless ’em. M.

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